The Awesomeness Of Chuck Norris

[Bruce Hardy]

• 
  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his
  closet for Chuck Norris.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
  gets the information he wants.
  
• 
  There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures
  Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  
• 
  Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same
  planet with Chuck Norris.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  
• 
  
  
  Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
  are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  
• 
  There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only
  another fist.
  
• 
  When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up,
  he’s pushing the Earth down.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch
  himself in the back of the head.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal
  Flush.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  
• 
  Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
  
• 
  Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching
  a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
  
• 
  Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is
  a Chucktatorship.